09.04.12 Truth & Wisdom
I have a strong personality. I’m stubborn and hard working. I’m overly motivated. I feel guilty if I’m resting on my laurels. Many a time it can be a detriment. I can push myself too far, too fast and it becomes a disservice to my physical and emotional self. I sacrifice my own well being. I create a pressure that is unnecessary. Along with that pressure resides a guilt that if I do not live up to the expectations I am placing on myself then I have failed. Does it matter that the expectations are unfair to me or unrealistic for me? Nope, I just keep on trucking, perpetuating the cycle.
I’m writing this today because I want to try to create a new habit. In fact, I want to create a few. I am putting it out there for the masses because I want people to hold me accountable. I want to announce these newly-aimed-for habits so I know they are real and true and are something by which I need to abide. I want to make healthy strides forward, and I’m using all of you to help me.
I need to start being gentle with myself. I need to start giving to myself as much as I give to others. I need to be kind to me. I need to slowly inch away from harsh words and negative statements to myself. I need to birth a new practice and continue to nurture it so it grows into an everyday habit. It’s much harder than it seems. It’s the small things we tell ourselves, that add up to the sum of who we are. How important it is to give ourselves permission to be, just be. No ties, no pressures, no standards to be upheld.
I want to be able to write without thinking it must be absolutely perfect. I want to be able to read a book without feeling like I should be running an errand. I want to be able to lounge for a full day without feeling like the laziest sloth of all time. I want to accept that I do not know what my future holds at this moment and have faith it will fall into place. I want to acknowledge I have been through some of the roughest times ever and have come out the other side, in fact, am still very much in the process of getting to the other side. I want to accept how proud of myself I am for that. I want to cut myself a break. I want to start putting myself first. I want to shut down my inner critic who is loud and ornery, shouting up a storm about everything I’m not. I want to start realizing everything I am.
I want you to go on this journey with me. Tell me the things you want to make a habit in your life. Explain to me why it’s so important. Share with me what is so difficult about starting up this new practice. I want to hear what you have to say. I want to hear why this makes you who you are. Let’s all start by getting in the habit of saying what we want, what we need and then doing something about it. I’m listening, for you and for me.