Easy. You make it come to you.

Well, except that’s not so easy, because luring the rabbit means you have to be patient. You have to trust. And you have to sit there, perfectly still, confident that holding the carrot is enough.

Success is a lot like love in this way. Perhaps you’ve chased love at some point only to discover the more you pushed, the more it ran.

The more you wrap success in a tidy little box of WHATs (what job do you have, what goals have you achieved, what number is on the scale), the more you set yourself up for disappointment when it doesn’t show up the way you planned.

That’s because the “WHATs” are the rabbits of life. They are external and therefore outside your control.

Things like:

The job.
The title.
The money.
The partner.
The status.
The weight.

You may think you have full power here but don’t get too comfortable because life throws curve balls. Health can change overnight. Spouses die. The company “restructures.”

If your self worth is attached to things that fluctuate by nature, you will never feel whole because your happiness will go up and down with them.

Now here’s the flip side:

What if you simply focused on being your best in each moment?

This, of course, starts with defining what matters most to you and writing it down. But when you do, watch out, because then you’ll have a list of values that don’t change and, as a result, life’s curveballs are less likely to knock you down. So regardless of whether you’re in a performance review, a job interview, a contentious meeting or the doctor’s office… by turning away from the frantic energy of “rabbit chasing,” you begin to surrender to the energy of knowing.

Knowing there’s a lesson in this. Knowing growth comes from getting uncomfortable. And knowing that, no matter what happens, you’ll be fine.

That’s the carrot.

And, yes, that’s enough.

A little backstory on the founders of Brika:

After earning her MBA from the University of Toronto in her native Canada, co-founder and Crafter of Brand Kena Paranjape found herself planning the merchandising and marketing strategies for Old Navy, Banana Republic, Joe Fresh Style, and an eco-lifestyle concept store based in Toronto. In her spare time, she started a blog, to provide an outlet for her creative energy and to reignite her childhood passion for writing.

Co-founder and Builder of Business Jen Lee Koss is a Juilliard-trained cellist and graduate of Harvard University, Oxford University, and Harvard Business School. Upon moving to Toronto, she began reading Kena’s blog and set out to meet her. Kena’s patient, methodical approach balanced Jen’s fearlessness and infectious enthusiasm, and Jen’s years spent working in management, consulting, investment banking, and private equity in the retail sector complemented Kena’s merchandising, marketing, and branding experience.

What’s the story behind Brika?
BRIKA come from the spanish word Fabrica, which means factory in spanish. The name is ironic because none of the products we feature are generic or mass made. Kena’s mother, who is a linguist, helped us think of the name while tending to her garden!

We felt very strongly from the beginning that in order to properly feature and showcase talented makers and their collections, we needed to create an experience online that replicated the feeling of walking into a beautifully curated and merchandised store. We worked very closely with our branding partner, Tether, to build a brand and site that was as engaging and inspiring as the makers we work with.

What made you decide to take the leap and start something so innovative?
Meeting each other was definitely the catalyst for launching BRIKA. Our first meeting was a “blind date” at a coffee shop – not only did we feel like we could have been friends in a past life, we were also amazed at how different but complementary our skill sets and experiences were. We both felt intuitively that we would make great business partners. We started meeting once a week for breakfast before our day jobs to start brainstorming ideas. BRIKA was truly born out of our shared passion for creativity and entrepreneurship and our desire to create A Well-Crafted Life.

Where do you draw inspiration?
We are inspired everyday by the creative and talented makers we partner with. We are also inspired by out favorite blogs, meeting other creative people, visiting new cities and exploring the neighborhoods in our own city.

What were your fears with starting your own business? How did you overcome them?
Fear is an inherent part of entrepreneurship and you never really overcome it! But in a way, fear becomes your friend, because it keeps you pushing your business forward. If you are starting a business and you are not afraid, you are most likely in trouble!

What are your long-term goals with Brika?
There are so many things we want to do with BRIKA. Some of the most exciting things we are working on involve an awesome gifting program (sign up to learn more here), partnerships with some of our favorite brands, and doing what we do best- featuring more amazingly talented Makers of beautiful things.

What advice would you have for other women who are thinking about starting their own business?
Starting BRIKA has been the most rewarding and most challenging thing we’ve ever done. Our advice would be to follow your passion and start taking small steps toward your dream.

Check out Brika and find the perfect gift for a friend, family member (hello, Mother’s Day!) or better yet- yourself. You definitely deserve it.

Do men and women view money differently?  

This week we asked YOU if you think men and women view money differently. We received several thought provoking responses and found them to be completely fascinating. To recap the conversation, we selected some of your Facebook comments that we thought could push the conversation further. Let’s continue the discussion!

“Lot’s of women were raised with a belief that they should find a rich guy to see them through life…So when the guy says ‘I’ll give you a world’ I say ‘Thanks. But I have my own.’” Anna

“I think women are socialized to view money differently, because we aren’t always taught to be as independent as men. That’s why so many of us end up having to unlearn that later.” E Bettie

“I’d say there are definitely many variables. In my family, for example, there are women who are great with money and some who have splurged and lived beyond their means-as with the men. So I’d say it depends on your life experiences. When you are forced to budget yourself at any point in your life, you learn to appreciate and save money when you do have it. Going through tough times helps us understand the importance of preparing for a rainy day!” Patty

“I think we women should listen to our own feelings, we are so strong.” Claudia

What are your thoughts? Is it less about gender and more about how you’re raised? 

Keep the conversation going in the comments!

“It’s all prince charming, it’s all the man is going to come in and basically save you and the trouble is that’s where the story ends.”

Amanda sits down with Leslie Bennetts, author of The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? and contributing editor at Vanity Fair. Before working at Vanity Fair, Bennetts was a reporter for 10 years at the New York Times, covering national politics, cultural news, metropolitan news, City Hall, and contributed to the Style section. As a mother, wife and accomplished career woman, Leslie tackles the embedded cultural expectations and limitations that women continue to face, and addresses the impact of childhood fairytales and the notion of prince charming.

What are your biggest fears when it comes to finances and femininity? What challenges have you encountered and how have you overcome them?

It didn’t dawn on me that I wanted to write professionally until I was in my twenties, but once it hit me, it was all I could think about. I was busy with other things such as getting married, buying and fixing up my first home, working in a corporate career and then having babies, but at the back of my mind was always the yearning, “I need to write a book! I need to write a book!”

It weighed on me incessantly.

Over the years, I feigned attempts at writing a wedding book, a parenting book, and a spiritual self-help book, but they were utterly amiss, and I quit each in chapter one. I continued my journaling, hoping that someday my book would simply appear within the pages of my notebooks, but… it didn’t. Then along came an angel (in the form of a life coach) who told me some surprising and enlightening news: “The root cause of your writer’s block is fear.”

Let me explain.

I have now become a life coach myself and a spiritual self-help author, and what I learned about and wrote in my first book (!) is that fear underlies just about every single problem we human beings have. A blocked writer might have fears such as this: What will my parents think if they read this? What will others think of me if they find out who I really am and what goes on in my head? What will happen to my family if I become successful? Will this hurt my partner or create havoc in my life? Will people hate me or, worse, hurt me when they read what I’ve written? What if I publish my work and nobody reads it? That would be so humiliating. What if my work sucks? I don’t really know what I’m doing anyway.

These were the kinds of quiet thoughts that ran through my head every time I stared at a blank document on my computer screen, only the thoughts were so quiet that I didn’t even hear myself thinking them. They did keep me from writing anything, though. It took consciousness, awareness and a whole lot of self-examination in order to figure out what it was that I was so afraid of, and then it took some serious courage to be able face my fears. Fear is actually an opportunity for us to be courageous — courage is being afraid and doing it anyway. We can’t be courageous unless we’re fearful, so people who have a lot of fear are the ones who have the potential to be the most courageous.

What I do with my fear now is reframe it as catalytic. Most of the things I’m afraid of are unfounded, and usually the thing that I’m the most afraid of is the thing that I need to do the most. I believe this is true for all of us. Facing our fears (unless they have to do with physical danger) is an important part of our soul’s journey, and it brings with it expansive growth and fulfillment. Writing can be scary; it often involves sharing yourself and your beliefs, and I recommend breaking into it with small steps. I started with a blog that led to a book, but another person might start with simply posting something intimate on Facebook just to find out that it’s safe to share.

Anyone who feels a longing to write can be certain that the desire is there for a reason. The things we long for are the things we are being called to do. Publishing my written work still makes me nervous sometimes, but what’s life without a little risk-taking, right? After all, as they say, the greater the risk, the greater the reward.

Try it out now! Practice your self expression by leaving a comment below. I would really love to hear what you think!

Kim Patron is a Writer, a Life Coach and a Soul Mission Astrologer. She writes a free weekly coaching blog on her website that centers around her unique approach of helping her clients develop and maintain a relationship with their Souls. This powerful connection enables her readers to more easily live their life’s purpose. To read Kim’s blog, submit questions for her free advice column, or find out your Soul Mission, visit her website.

I struck gold as a consultant. I have been lucky enough to make a living on my own for four years since and hope to keep it up a while longer. Until they are in college, sounds about right.

With it came a lot of flexibility. A lot of amazing opportunity. A lot of stress.

What does it lack? A fancy title. An expense account. A corner office.

Or does it?

I believe that there is a new version of the corner office and I am sitting firmly behind the desk.

Women aren’t hunting down the same career goals we were even a decade ago. We aren’t chipping away at that glass ceiling, we are wallpapering it in our own personal style. We aren’t striving for the corner office with a view and an assistant parked out front, we’d rather have our own little desk, where we have the freedom and flexibility and inspiration to engage in our work and our personal lives and blossom at both.

I don’t need a business card that reads “Vice President.” You can call me an assistant for all I care, as long as I can make it to my daughter’s Christmas show at school.

I am okay not being involved in that management meeting, because now I can grab coffee with a fellow mom/entrepreneur and brainstorm amazing things at ten times the pace.

I don’t need to catch up with anyone at my level or beyond it…I am moving at my own speed and on most days, it’s much faster than it ever was in a traditional corporate setting, with far more benefits.

I’m not trying to take away from a corporate office setting. Many women I know, moms and not, thrive in that environment and cherish it. But I believe, that even what they are striving for within that structure is so very different than what it was just a few years ago.

It’s less about acknowledgement from your peers. It’s about satisfaction at the end of the day. It’s not so much the money (though that can obviously be nice), it’s what you’re contributing. It’s how you’re engaging your brain and your creativity and your senses day after day. It’s what’s engaging you, to sacrifice time away from family and home and friendships.

Women want to create and manage and see and feel and ideate and solve and mentor and build. And in today’s world, we can actually do it all, and more, on our own terms.

What corner office could possibly contain all of that?

The vilified vixen in the tight dress who has burned down many legacies in her wake. We can rattle off her recent prey: John Edwards, Anthony Weiner, Mark Sanford, Eliot Spitzer, Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Petraeus- but we both know that’s just (barely) scratching the surface. And something else we know? When the match that lights an affair strikes, it tends to strike at work.

I’ve never actually considered myself old-fashioned, but a few weeks ago when I wrote about the dangers of flirting at work, I was accused of being a stick in the mud. On an interview with HuffPost Live, the general consensus from the show hosts was, “Pssshaw! What’s wrong with a little harmless flirting in the office?” But this is where I think people get confused. They put “flirting” in the same bucket as “being outgoing.” I don’t.

You can be outgoing- e.g. extraverted, full of life, cheerful, funny, etc.- without being flirtatious (e.g. innuendoes, giggling, hair tossing, playful touches, non- platonic gazes, etc.). The difference between outgoing and flirtatious is making it sexual. When you do that, you’re laying the groundwork for something more. Period.

Obviously you should think seriously about hooking up with a colleague in the first place, but if you have absolutely no intention of going down that road, you’re just making a routine relationship unnecessarily complex. The question is: Why?

Because the attention feels like power? Please. Flirting is only powerful at home. In the workplace, it’s actually subordinate because it’s a sign of low confidence. When you use “sexy” to garner attention for yourself in the office, what you’re really saying is that’s all you think you have to give.

So is the appeal of flirting because it’s dangerous and kinda hot? I get that. Flirting can be a taboo, fun escape from the realities of home which, let’s face it, can be hard and unglamorous. If you’re both single and you’re interested in a relationship, the following advice doesn’t apply to you. But if you’re married or flirting with a married man, the sexual tension- while exciting– is still like a fault line running underneath your feet. You don’t know when it’s going to erupt, but when it does watch out- because everything will crumble.

This is why I got so pissed off at the news media recently for running headlines like, “Why flirting at work may be a good idea” (Yahoo) and opening posts with “Put that book down young lady and start experimenting with make-up.” Seriously? Advice like that is reckless because it only takes the right environment, the right drink, the right “match” and all of the sudden harmless flirting becomes something you can never take back. It’s like putting a nail through the wall: you can take the nail out and try to cover it up, but the hole will always be there.

And while I’m at it, the very behaviors that career women have been told NOT to display in the workforce if we want to be perceived as competent are exactly the behaviors associated with being flirtatious. So as media and educators I believe we have the job – no, wait, the responsibility – NOT to blur the line in a misguided attempt to make news, but to draw the line so women are crystal clear on what is professional behavior and what isn’t.

But since that’s not happening, it looks like the onus is on you to know where the line is. My two cents: Be flirtatious at home, be flirtatious in a bar, be flirtatious in the bedroom. Swing from the chandeliers if you like. Just make sure you can look yourself in the mirror the next day.

Being very focused on your career takes a toll on your body and mind. Experiencing life with such intensity is just plain exhausting, and finding a way to decompress is necessary for happiness. Since most of us can’t trade in our high-powered careers to live a more peaceful, yogi lifestyle, there are many ways you can relate the principles of Yoga to your career.

Here a few practical applications:

Don’t forget to try. One becomes established in practice only after tending to it for awhile, without interruption and with devotion. It’s the idea of practicing presence, having a sense of purpose and self complexity, that brings perspective to your life and work. Meditation requires focus and learning how to push past what you believed to be your physical and mental capacity. A yoga high is such a liberating and satisfying experience, but it doesn’t come without A LOT of trying.

Persevere and just breathe through it. The pose begins when you want to leave it, even though you’ve held it for an eternity and every muscle is quivering in agony. Who doesn’t have those same experiences at work? Just when you think you’ve reached your limit; center and breathe through it. Release anything that does not serve you.

Honor yourself. Understand the line between striving for excellence and pushing beyond your limits. This was a tough lesson learned for me. My tendency is to do everything to the maximum. I’ve broken several bones in my body riding horses and running, and I used to be the person who worked until 2 a.m. every night. I did this for the thrill of winning, but at the ultimate expense of balanced happiness. There is something so poignant about simple appreciation for showing up to class or work, and finding peace on the days you simply can’t perform to your fullest.

Honor others. Connecting with people in a class environment teaches you how to both tolerate and appreciate others.  There is always an inconceivably loud breather or spastic poser, equivalent to the disruptive, ill-informed, counterproductive person we have the pleasure of encountering in most meetings.  Learning how to concentrate and remain focused despite these people, translates to the business world. And, yogis have taught me the best way to honor those little rays of sunshine in your life. They freely express love and appreciation for others, in the most radical way. It involves a lot of hugging, smiling and exceedingly affectionate conversation.  It helps me more readily connect, find humor in and appreciate my business colleagues, albeit in a less extreme way.

Reset your day. I’m a strong advocate of allowing for exercise in the workplace, because it ultimately helps clear the mind and make room for improved productivity. My colleagues and I head out daily for power yoga or a run.  I might start my morning hating everyone and everything, but after lunch I’m all smiles. Yoga is the antidote to my restless soul and impatient nature. I wouldn’t say it’s made me zen, but I do feel more connected to people, psychologically aware and more appreciative of the intricacies of life.

Ok, you have my permission to hate me for this next part, but it’s true.

Over the last few years of practicing, I’ve unintentionally begun to realize that elusive mind-body connection. I think it’s always present- regardless of whether we’re aware of it- and it manifests in different ways. I’m a decent athlete, but I’ve been able to achieve poses I never thought possible. It’s an amazing feeling to conquer what you previously thought to be physically impossible. Everyone should set their own intentions; no certain way is better than another. What matters is who you are when you get there.

Channeling that mind-body connection into the workplace translates into a little extra confidence, attentiveness and overall bad ass-ness. It’s probably not the way Deepak Chopra would put it. And, it’s not that I don’t fully appreciate the idea that we’re all sparkling matter imbued in consciousness; I just believe the bad-assery approach is how most career women want to look at things.

So the new, more enlightened me, is here to tell you Yoga isn’t just a fad. It’s been around for thousands of years for good reason.

Next time you feel stressed, find that space in between two moments to be more aware, strong, peaceful, conscious, happy and to just be. Most importantly, love yourself and others.

Namaste ya’ll!

My family’s first bookstore was on the second floor of an old building in downtown Ann Arbor, Michigan. It had a toilet seat behind the counter and sold mostly used books. Over 25 years my dad and uncle, Louis and Tom Borders, expanded their vision of providing high quality service, attention to the customer and the best technology to book selling. By 1988 they had expanded their bookstores throughout the Midwest and had built their wholesale business, Book Inventory Systems (BIS), into a multi-million dollar enterprise with a combined sales of $32.3 million. In 1992 they made the difficult decision to sell the company to Kmart. The next year Borders operations reached $224.8 million.

Shortly after the sale my father approached the newly owned company with the then crazy idea of selling books on the newfangled thing called the Internet. They weren’t interested. And they weren’t interested in letting him do it either, and held him firmly to his non-compete agreement.

So my family watched from afar as the business they spent a quarter of a century building grew to the second largest book retailer in the nation, then fall apart.

An article in Time magazine last year stated that of the five reasons Borders eventually went out of business, the top three were that it was late to the web, late to ebooks and it opened too many stores. The company fell behind in technological innovation and ignored their customers’ changes in book consumption, opening hundreds of new brick and mortar bookstores as though that could slow their customers’ growing preference for online shopping.

So, this month as my first book, Nothing But the Truth So Help Me God: 51 Women Reveal the Power of Positive Female Connection, the first in a series of anthologies, launches on Amazon and Barnes and Noble in both print and ebook versions, I hope to learn from the mistakes I watched Borders make.

As I approached publishers with this anthology of women’s stories-which includes writers such as Joyce Maynard and Deborah Santana, activists like Dominique Browning, and includes heartfelt true stories about love, death, sexuality, cancer, self-love and many more important and timely topics, I was surprised by their responses.

Nothing But the Truth has garnered praise from playwright and activist Eve Ensler, MS Magazine editor Katherine Spillar, actor Peter Coyote, and many more influential people, but we encountered a great deal of resistance from the traditional publishers, some of whom told us that it would take at minimum 18 months to get the already edited book published. So much for “timely.”

We were told that it was too “book-like” by a well-respected publisher who is moving away from “traditional books” to sell “kits” like henna tattoos.

We were told that anthologies are hard to sell (and especially anthologies about women), despite the success of Chicken Soup for the Soul and This I Believe (both of which our anthology has been likened to).

So, in weighing our options, I decided to create my own publishing company, Nothing But The Truth LLC, to publish and distribute our anthology.

We got our book completed and ready to launch in less than five months. No wonder self-publishing has seen triple-digit growth over the last five years!

We are giving 50% of the net profits back to our contributors and we are not marketing our books in a traditional way. We are focusing on online sales and spending our marketing dollars on the members of my online social network, A Band of Wives, which has members like author, spiritual guru and social media maven Gabrielle Bernstein, and Dr. Lissa Rankin, an author and speaker with a twitter following of over 140,000 on board to help us spread the word.

We are also preparing to launch a “My Story” version of the book where women add their own stories and art about positive female connection into a custom version of the book. I am hopeful that this will allow many more women who want to see themselves published in a book, but are not sure how to do it in this changing landscape to see their name and their words in print

Only time will tell if we are ahead of the game or if the traditional methods are still the best route. But I think our launch will show that women’s stories and voices are important enough to sell books.

It seems researchers from the UC Berkeley Haas School of Business have found that “flirtatiousness, female friendliness, or the more diplomatic description ‘feminine charm’ is an effective way for women to gain negotiating mileage.”

Thanks, science. Now I know what to tell women like the juniors in college I spoke to last week who are so eager to start their careers.

“Forget that degree from Wharton, girls! If you really want make an impression – buy a good push-up bra. And if you actually get hit on by your boss or colleagues? Well, congrats darlin’! That must mean your ‘feminine charm’ is working.”

What’s so dangerous about advice like this is – while 90% of us will read it, scoff smugly, and move on with our day – there is still a subset of women out there who will take it literally and attempt to use what the article calls the “hidden value of sexual prowess” at work.

And it won’t end well.

For example…recently, I spoke to the women’s group of a global firm on personal branding. Afterwards, I was chatting with some of the members about various ways people have damaged their reputation in the company.

“Oh my God, remember the red dress?” one of them asked.

The others erupted into laughter.

Evidentially, the infamous “red dress” – a show-stopping, bondage-style number– was worn to last year’s Christmas party by a young executive who got attention alright – for all the wrong reasons.

It’s tricky enough to be a woman in business these days without stirring the sexpot, so here’s my plea.

Media – Enough with bullshit advice like this, alright? Chill. It’s irresponsible.

Ladies – Regardless of what you read, save your “erotic capital” for the bedroom, not the boardroom. Look, it’s okay to be beautiful (you can’t help it after all), but there’s a huge difference between beautiful and sexy. One is what you are, the other is how you act.

Colleagues of scantily-clad office flirts – Go easy on your coworkers, particularly young ones. Yes, they should know better, but they may have read articles telling them – and I can’t make this stuff up – that “the occasional bat of an eyelash can boost their chances of workplace success.” In other words, they may be grossly misinformed. It happens. (Note to managers and mentors: Don’t just stand by and let your people become watercooler chatter – say something and help them correct their behavior.)

A long time ago, a very wise woman told me the minute anyone uses “sexy” to get ahead is the minute they make themselves disposable. C’mon, people. We’ve come too far to be disposed of so soon.